R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
