she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Its about making memories worth repressing
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
