from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
