Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
