Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
