You really coming over, don't trick.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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