I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
