is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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