ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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