i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
