5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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