You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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