I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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