They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
