Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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