a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
