Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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