We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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