finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
