you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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