idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
