so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
