so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
