Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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