Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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