No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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