Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
