sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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