I'm jealous of your bromance
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
