Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
