i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
