Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
