he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
