he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She told me I should be a condom model.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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