Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
