I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
this is an emotional support booty call
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
