Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
