This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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