i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
