he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
