upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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