did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
