she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
