just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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