Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
