how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
