thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
