I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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