respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
