Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
