When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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